Blasphemy!

I am still glowing from meeting one of my favorite authors this past Thursday night.  Justin's Auntie Jean posted the book signing event on her Facebook page and not only was I thrilled that she too was a Sherman Alexie fan, but that he would be speaking right here in the valley.  I have to admit, I almost backed out.  I left work later than I wanted to and was exhausted, husband thought he'd be running late, my brother-in-law was having a birthday dinner that I felt guilty about missing.  Excuses galore.  Then I thought to myself that this was such a great opportunity that couldn't be missed.  What are the odds that a another family member likes this author (who has a good following but isn't widely popular) and posts this event that is a mere 45 minutes away?? Just as I was thinking this husband sends a text that he will not be late after all and will actually be leaving early.  That sealed the deal.  And that's an example of little piece of fate, people.  

It was one of the best times I've ever had.  I felt like I was at a comedy show rather than a stuffy, intellectuals only, I-am-a-literary-genius-and-this-is-why kind of a book reading/signing.  He cracked jokes about our state, especially Tucson where his books were banned, our "tiny" Navajos, the blazing heat ("You live here year-round for December."), and the ridiculous amount of conservative bullshit that surrounds us ("I don't know how you liberals live here.  You need to live in Seattle where we're all happy.  Well, we're all on meds, but at least we're all on meds living by other liberals.")  He also ranted about human rights quite a bit, in particular gay marriage.  In fact, you would have thought he was gay with all the homo-erotic jokes he was making ("You know how sometimes when you are biking and you see the person in front of you and notice what a good ass they have?  Then you pass them and realize it's a dude?  And you think, Well, that's still a nice ass.")  

Two of my other favorite quotes of the evening:
"...because it WILL happen. And all of you hypocritical...Especially brown people who are against it.  Like we've never had white people use the bible to oppress us.  That's what pisses me off the most." -in response to gay marriage.

"The theme of the evening now is don't trust the fucking internet!" - He was telling us the news story of a Chicana from Tucson  protesting the banning of his book that the school district put in place.  The picture showed her reading one of this stories using a mega phone.  A lady from the audience said, "Hey! I actually know that girl.  Her name is [so-and-so]!"  And he said, "yes!"  And she said, "But she's Pakistani and lives in Chicago."  He said, "WHAT!" a few times before cursing the fucking internet.  

He also read the short story, "This is What It Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona."  And I read along with him from my own copy of the book.  I've read this story many years ago, but it was such a pleasure to hear him read it to me.  After all the laughing, we waited another 45 minutes to have him sign my copy of  Blasphemy.  I thanked him for the amazing experience I had had and just how lucky I felt to meet one of my favorites and to find that he is not a snobby asshole, as most writers tend to be.  We then went on to discuss just how big the size of his asshole really is, and he even used hand gestures!  But again, I thanked him for tightening it up and being a true, "normal" person.  He claimed he was by no means normal, but he missed the point.  

I came across this author, as most do, as a required reading during college when I took a Native American literature class.  We read the whole of The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven and The Toughest Indian in the World, but we only discussed the short story, "The Toughest Indian in the World."  Of course many of my peers didn't get it.  They didn't understand what happened between the "fighter" and the protagonist and just wrote it off as, "weird" and "gay".  I won't say more on that as to not spoil what actually happens in the book but I will point out that sometimes we want to be so much like someone else, because we think they have it more figured out, that we will find ourselves in unusual situations to get as close to that person as possible. 

I wish I had a recording of this night, because there were many things said that I would love to replay.  Even though I can't remember it all, I will definitely remember how I felt on this special night.